The Kill
by Captain Subtext
Summary: SONG FIC. He was tired of everything. Tired of life. What was the point of it if this was all it was? Severus is finally pushed to edge when Lily denouces all her feelings for him with one simple action. My first songfic.


Song: The Kill- 30 Seconds to Mars

Characters: Severus Snape, Lily Evans, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, James Potter, Petter Pettigrew

Disclaimers: I do not own _Harry Potter_ or any of its characters. Neither do I own the song used in this song fic. This is my first song fic, so please excuse me if it isn't any good, I didn't have any idea at all what I was doing, I just got inspired, had been meaning to write a song fic, and combiened the need to write a fic like this with the want to write a song fic. This'll probably be no good, but ah well, I'm uploading it anyway. Now, to the actual fic.

* * *

_The Kill_

Sixteen year old Severus Snape made his way up the spiral staircase quickly. He was late for a detention with the Astronomy professor for not showing up to class three times in a row. He honestly didn't care anymore, nothing mattered at all. And just to make that the slightest bit clearer to Severus, down the stairs in the opposite direction came Lily. She wasn't alone; Potter clung on her arm like the diseased mollusc he was and the other Marauders danced around her like cronies.

"_What if I wanted to break,  
Laugh it all off in your face,  
What would you do?"  
_

It was Remus who saw Severus first. He had never liked picking on Snape, he knew himself what it was like to be bullied and targeted as a misfit, so he had the decency to say nothing as the Slytherin tried to press himself out of site against the wall.

Lily stuck her nose in the air. She didn't want anything to do with the slimy git anymore. James and Sirius saw this and looked at where the pale teen was pressed tightly against the cold stone. Twin evil grins spread across their faces.

"_What if I fell to the floor  
Couldn't take all this anymore  
What would you do, do, do?"  
_

"Hey! Snivelly!" Sirius called out, moving closer to the boy.

"Don't you ever get tired of that hackneyed nickname?" Severus hissed between gritted teeth.

Sirius pretended to consider it. "Uh…let's see…nope!" He laughed cruelly.

"If you'll excuse me…" Severus muttered, trying to get past the big-headed, bullying, popular Gryffindors. James wasn't letting him away that easily though. He hit him from behind with a leg-locker jinx. Severus fell onto the cold marble, bruising his shins and only stopping himself from tumbling down the stairs by grabbing on tightly to the banister.

Lily looked nervous for a second and was about to tell her boyfriend off, but then she remembered how much she hated Severus and laughed coldly.

Severus looked up in time to see the person he loved most in the world laughing at him as he struggled to stop himself falling. Tears brimmed in his eyes, but he forced them back and replaced the misery with anger.

_  
"Come break me down  
Bury me, bury me  
I am finished with you." _

"Why don't you just go off and have fun with your boyfriend and leave me alone?" Severus spat, getting to his feet quickly.

Lily had seen to tears he thought he'd hidden so well, but that didn't matter. "Gladly! And you might want to remember to wash your hair, Snivellus, or the dust from the floor will stick to it."

"Oooh, burn," Severus muttered, but not loudly enough for anyone to hear. However, James wasn't going to let the slime wad get away with speaking to his woman like that.

_"What if I wanted to fight  
Beg for the rest of my life  
What would you do?"  
_

"Why don't you go cry to your mommy, Sniv?" James spat. "And stop picking on Lily. She's done nothing, just learnt not to hang around with Junior Death Eaters. Don't speak to her that way!"

"My mother's dead!" Severus almost yelled. "But not as though I'd expect _you_ or anyone else to care."

This put James off for a second, but this was _Snape_ for crying out loud! Like he was actually going to feel sorry for that git!

"That doesn't give you the right to treat Lily like dirt. Don't dare talk to my girlfriend like that Snape. In fact, don't talk to her at all!"

"You don't have the right to boss me around, Potter!" Severus hissed and drew his wand quickly. He was tired of everything. Tired of life. What was the point of it if this was all it was?

"_You say you wanted more  
What are you waiting for?  
I'm not running from you." _

James was however quicker than Severus and hit him with the worst jinx he knew. Severus was flung backward and cracked his skull off the wall. Both Lily and Remus looked nervous that the sound the collision had made, but Severus opened his eyes into slits and a cold fire was burning there.

"I'm not running from you," he whispered fiercely. "Not anymore. Not when you have everything. What am I running to?"

_  
"Come break me down  
Bury me, bury me  
I am finished with you."_

He locked eyes with Lily, but said nothing as he got up slowly and deliberately. He said nothing more, just kept looking until Lily started to look upset and broke eye contact with a fierce blink and a turn of her head. She was shaking slightly. James moved in front of her in a protective movement and Sirius came up to take over the attack. Remus was standing two steps behind, biting his lip; Peter was a little farther off, laughing at Severus' pain, egging his friends and superiors on. _  
_

"_Look in my eyes  
You're killing me, killing me  
All I wanted was you."_

Severus tried to convey everything with his eyes. Everything he had ever wanted to say, everything he should have said, should have done, would have done, wanted to do, still wanted to do. Lily tried to look away.

Sirius moved forward in a threatening manor, but Severus hardly cared and didn't turn his penetrating, blaming glare from the woman who he'd loved most, who still meant the world to him. That was a mistake.

_"I tried to be someone else  
But nothing seemed to change  
I know now, this is who I really am inside."_

In a flash Severus found himself upside-down, hanging in mid air, suspended by the hex he himself had created. But he still had his wand.

"_Liberacorpus," _he though in his head strongly, and he was down on the floor, right way up again. Both Sirius and James were moving slowly but threateningly. But Severus was ready for them.

"_Sectumsempra!" _he yelled, his wand pointing directly at James' chest. _  
_

"_Finally found myself  
Fighting for a chance.  
I know now, this is who I really am."_

Lily gasped loudly and angrily and ran to her boyfriend's side.

"How could you?!" she yelled at Severus. "You foul, loathsome, insolent, arrogant, intolerable little…argh!" Words escaped her.

"I'm the arrogant one?" Severus said calmly back, though his voice was straining not to break. "_I'm _the loathsome one? Do you have _any_ idea what I've done, what life is like? Do you have any idea what I did for _you_, Lily? I've tried to change my whole personality, everything I am, so you would love me like I love you. But instead I get pushed aside. Don't like what you see? Tough. _THIS IS WHO I REALL AM!" _

He buried his head in hands and strangled the screaming, moaning instead, unable to bear the situation any longer, pacing, slipping in his enemy's blood once or twice, waiting for Lily to answer.

_"Ah, ah  
Oh, oh  
Ah, ah…"_

Lily was silent. Severus looked over at her. She spat at his feet. One thing too much. His life: shattered. His heart: broken into a thousand tiny shards which in turn sliced him. His one and only love: the person who hated him most in the whole world.

And Severus was sprinting; running through the blood, past Lily, past Remus, past Pettigrew, up and up to the top of the astronomy tower. Thankfully the teacher seemed to have given up on Severus actually arriving to his detention.

_"Come break me down  
Bury me, bury me  
I am finished with you, you, you."_

It was Remus who first realised what was going on. He'd seen it in Snape's eyes, the shattering of everything the Slytherin had ever held dear. He ran after Severus. Then Sirius saw what was happening. They'd pushed and pushed and finally, Severus was going to fall.

And after Sirius had run a dozen or so steps, Lily saw it.

"Oh God…" she whispered and fled after the two Marauders, leaving James in the care of Peter.

When she reached the room at the top of the tower, Severus was standing on a thin ledge between the floor of the small room, and the deadly drop. Remus was trying to talk him away with Sirius throwing something in once in awhile, mostly there to help if Severus did jump.

And then Severus saw Lily. He saw her looking scared and angry and upset all at the same time and more piled on top. Tears were brimming in her eyes. But she didn't understand. Words came to him faster than they ever had around the love of his life, but they weren't the ones anyone wanted to hear.

"_Look in my eyes, you're killing me, killing me; all I wanted was you."_

_"Come break me down (bury me, bury me)  
Break me down (bury me, bury me)  
Break me down (bury me, bury me)."_

And he jumped.

"_(You say you wanted more)  
What if I wanted to break...?  
(What are you waiting for?)  
Bury me; bury me  
(I'm not running from you)."  
_

_*_

Severus lay in a stiff and itchy, but comfortable bed in the Hospital Wing. He had no visitors. The Head Master had tried to talk to him a few times, but Severus wasn't interested. What good was counselling?

Apparently Black had saved him. It took everyone a few seconds to realise he'd thrown himself off the tower; he'd done it so simply. Sirius was the first to react. He'd used a spell that the Marauders had developed once in fourth year when it had been necessary for James to climb the wall of the school for some forgotten reason. Once Sirius had lifted Severus back up into the tower, he and Remus had carried their enemy down to the Hospital Wing and then explained to Madame Pomfrey what had happened. Lily had needed a calming draft, and the Medi-witch had forced one down the throats of Remus and Sirius also. Both Gryffindors had been awarded house points.

Severus remembered none of this for some reason, only the blissful whistling rush of wind which signified the end of his life. He wasn't thankful at all towards his previous tormentors.

James had been in the Hospital Wing for a few days also. Severus had kept his back towards the boy who had stolen his one chance at a happy life. Neither boy had said anything.

"_What if I  
What if I  
What if I  
What if I…"_

Severus sighed in a raking breath and turned his head into the pillow. What was the point of what ifs? What if he'd done this, what if he'd said that, what if he'd just tried to commit suicide in the dead of night, with poison? Why wouldn't they just let him leave this world of torture, of sorrow, or utter unbearable pain? What was the point of living, if this was all there was?

_  
"Bury me, bury me." _

_

* * *

_So...what did you think? Probably no good, like I said, I just really wanted to write this. I'm probably insane for putting it up, but what can I say, it's half one.  
Review? Please? Just to tell me if I can actually write songfics or if I should stick to my random fanfics.  
Over and Out, Captain Subtext.


End file.
